Becoming a New Woman: Matrescence & Healing After Birth
Laurie Groh, MS LPC SAS with Dr. Katarina Meister (functional medicine, Lakeside Natural Medicine) and Katie Fortune (perinatal therapist, Shoreside Therapies) · 2026-08-18
After my four kids, it felt like I had to be right back at it. Get on with things. Bounce back. My body was saying something very different, and I know a lot of women feel that same pull.
Show notes
This episode is about what really happens to women through motherhood, not the version everyone sells you. I'm joined by Dr. Katarina Meister, a functional medicine doctor who helps women prepare for pregnancy and postpartum, and a twin mom nine months in. And by Katie Fortune, a licensed perinatal therapist here at Shoreside Therapies who works with women and couples through the emotional and relational side of becoming a parent.
You are becoming a new person
Katarina named it early: birth is a transformative process, and we are becoming a new woman through it. Her patients are often high performers and perfectionists, and so is she, and the desire to return to who you were before is strong. Her view is that the quicker we accept the transformation, the sooner we find a new rhythm.
Katie put a word to it: matrescence. It's a developmental shift in adulthood, similar to adolescence, where the biological, psychological and relational changes all happen at once. That leaves a lot of room for stress, conflict and miscommunication, and a real need for more support.
The hard birth nobody planned for
Katarina shared her own story. She went into preterm labor at 32 weeks with twins. Within an hour there was a NICU team in the room and a consent form for a C-section. She didn't see her babies for several hours after the birth. Looking back, she says she was in fight or flight the whole time, numb, and probably depressed without feeling it. She still has parts of that to process.
Katie sees this in her clients too: even women whose labor wasn't complicated can come out feeling unheard or dismissed, and have reactions later. Even when the baby is happy and healthy, conflicting feelings about the experience are normal.
Speaking up when it's uncomfortable
Katarina's advice for talking with your medical team was blunt and practical:
- Get the knowledge first. Know your options. Prepare for the unexpected, including the NICU and a C-section, then set it aside and focus on the birth you want.
- Say it even when it's uncomfortable. If speaking up for yourself is your trigger, this is the time to feel that discomfort and say it anyway. Put a blindfold on if you have to.
- Make them chart it. Keep telling the nurse or doctor until you see it written down.
Katie offered a structure she uses with clients, the BRAINS acronym: Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what does my Intuition say, what happens if we do Nothing, and Space to process. In a room full of providers and urgency, having the structure helps.
What healing actually needs
After the placenta is delivered, Katarina explained, estrogen and progesterone drop significantly. That creates a window of vulnerability for depression, anxiety and nutrient deficiencies, and possibly thyroid issues. Her suggestions, which she stressed should be individualized with your own doctor: ask to have iron, vitamin D, folate, magnesium and thyroid checked, keep taking your prenatal, eat enough to rebuild your stores, and set up a meal train.
Katie brought it back to the nervous system. There's a lot of pressure on moms to optimize everything, including self-care. Rest can take many forms and doesn't have to be sleep. And the line that stuck with me: we can't convince your body that it's safe. It has to start feeling safe again, through nutrition, movement when possible, rest, social support, therapy when needed, and asking for help.
With twins I didn't have a choice about asking for help. That turned out to be my biggest growth. Sometimes it looked like my mom coming over so I could nap. Sometimes it looked like a stash of candy bars in the twins' room. Both counted.
The village is smaller now
Katie pointed out that we have more freedom to live away from where we grew up, so our villages are smaller, and her clients often name missing support from other moms as the key piece. Katarina shared the numbers she uses with patients: four out of five mothers experience baby blues, and one in ten develops more severe depression or anxiety in the first year. Knowing how common this is helps.
Plan for postpartum as much as you planned for pregnancy. And, if you can, work on your own triggers before the birth.
Key takeaways
- Motherhood is a developmental transformation, not a detour you return from.
- A hard birth can leave a trauma response even when the baby is fine.
- Know your options, speak up, and make them chart it. The BRAINS questions give you a structure in the moment.
- Postpartum healing runs on rest, nutrition and support. Your body has to feel safe before it can heal.
- Baby blues are very common. Persistent depression or anxiety is common too, and worth treating.
If this one hit close to home
If you heard yourself in the pressure, the grief, or the feeling that you should already be back, Katie Fortune offers a free consult through Shoreside Therapies in Wisconsin and online in several other states. Our intake coordinator will help you find the right fit, even if it isn't us.
More on this topic: Burnout & Nervous System hub · Matrescence: Becoming Someone New · Infant Mental Health and When to Start Child Therapy · Understanding and Supporting Moms' Mental Health
This episode is for education and entertainment. It is not therapy and does not create a therapeutic relationship. Hosted by Laurie Groh, MS, LPC, SAS.