The Power of CBT: Stop the Spiral & Shift Your Thoughts

Episode 51 · Laurie Groh, MS LPC SAS · 2025-05-15

If your brain feels like a browser with 47 tabs open, this one is for you. It's a recording of a live workshop I ran on cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, and I kept it practical on purpose. There is plenty of information out there. What most of us are short on is engagement. So if you can, grab a notebook and actually do the exercises with me, because that's the part that changes your brain.

Show notes

Why your thoughts matter

Thoughts, feelings, and actions all work together. Take a simple thought like I'm nervous about this test. The feeling is butterflies. The action might be pacing, avoiding, or cleaning your room (that was mine).

Now watch the thought grow. I'm going to fail. Then I fail the course. Then I won't get into college, won't get the job, and I'll end up homeless. The nervousness is now much bigger than it needs to be.

Think of a balloon you're bopping to keep off the floor. The feeling is the balloon. The thoughts keep it in the air. On its own, a feeling tends to last about 30 to 90 seconds. Attached thoughts keep it going, which means we can turn a feeling up or down by changing the thought.

Of the three, thoughts tend to be the easiest to change. Changing a raw feeling is close to impossible, and changing a habit is hard. Thoughts are the door that opens.

You are not your inner narrator

This might be the most important takeaway in the episode. You don't have to believe every thought you have. You are not the narrator. So who are you? You're the listener. The observer. The one taking in the words.

The thought traps I see most

  • Labeling. Calling yourself stupid, a loser, or worse. A label hits you with intense feeling and gives you zero direction. If I'm a loser, what do I do about it? There's no instruction in it. It's built to make you feel something, not to help anything change.
  • All-or-nothing thinking. I'm the best or I'm a failure. Everything is going well or nothing is.
  • Overgeneralizing. "School sucks." "Work sucks." True or not, it gives you nothing to work with.
  • Catastrophizing. Something happens and you add ten steps to it. If you failed the test, does that mean you'll be homeless? There are a lot of steps before that.
  • Mind reading. Deciding what someone else is thinking. We've all been wrong about this. Honestly, you don't belong inside someone else's head. Just ask them.
  • Should statements. "I should do the laundry. I should exercise." Humans hold autonomy very dear, and "should" almost always triggers rebellion. Try swapping in I want to or I get to, and ask: who says I should? Often the answer is a parent, or society, not you.

The silent-text spiral

I send a friend a slightly vulnerable text. No reply for an hour. Three hours. By dinner I'm spiraling. She must think I'm needy (mind reading). She's pulling away (catastrophizing). Why do I even bother? I'm terrible at relationships (all-or-nothing, plus a label).

Then she replies: her kid dropped applesauce on her keyboard and her phone died. None of it was true. But it felt true. That's the sneaky part.

How to reframe

When you catch a thought, ask three questions:

  1. Is this 100% true?
  2. What's the evidence?
  3. What would I say to a friend?

Then write a new, balanced thought. Use your own words, not mine. And keep it honest. If I blew a presentation, the reframe is not "that was the best presentation in the world." It's some parts went well, some parts I'd change, and one presentation isn't the end of everything. A lie won't help you. You'll believe your honesty.

Reframe with curiosity, not an argument. When people start fighting with their thoughts, they add more feelings instead of changing them. Try: Interesting. I'm doing this thing again. Where is this coming from?

Daily tools

  • Thought journaling
  • Self check-ins, three to five times a day, with a phone timer if it helps
  • Naming the feeling. Research I've seen suggests naming a feeling reduces its impact
  • Mindful pauses and grounding. We do a two-minute one in the episode: name the stressor, slow the breath, label the feeling, and offer yourself a gentler thought

Big change equals small shifts

This isn't an overhaul. It's a gentle daily practice, and the hardest part is consistency. When you stop, old patterns come back. But some things really can be eliminated. I used to call myself names all the time. I can't remember the last time I did, other than jokingly calling myself a nerd. Your brain can change. That's neuroplasticity.

One last thing: do not use CBT on other people. Telling a friend she's catastrophizing is a boundary cross. Share the episode instead.

Key takeaways

  1. Thoughts keep feelings going. Change the thought and the feeling usually follows.
  2. You are the listener, not the narrator. You don't have to believe every thought.
  3. Labels carry emotion with no direction. Notice them and drop them.
  4. Ask: Is it 100% true? What's the evidence? What would I say to a friend?
  5. Reframe with honesty and curiosity, not with a lie or an argument.

If this one hit close to home

If you'd like help building this practice with someone who knows your story, Shoreside Therapies offers individual therapy in Wisconsin and online in several other states. Our intake coordinator will help you find the right fit, even if it isn't us.

More on this topic: Mental Health Tools hub · The Guilt Spiral · Managing Anxiety in Midlife · Visualization Isn't Woo, It's Neuroscience

This episode is for education and entertainment. It is not therapy and does not create a therapeutic relationship. Hosted by Laurie Groh, MS, LPC, SAS.

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